Flight, fight, or freeze; decision-making, elephants and changing conflict narratives.

As humans, intuitive decision-making comes from experience, wisdom, and ultimately trust.

Trust in ourselves. Trust in others, and trust in the outcome.

There are many times it’s called upon by a sudden change in circumstances. Those times where time is not our friend. Split-second decisions and on-the-spot scenarios.

And the way we make many of these decisions is influenced by specific biological factors.

Urgency: Take yourself back to the last time you were in desperate need of the bathroom. What was running through your mind? 

Anxiety: Think about those moments before an interview, presentation, or speaking event; were you nervous?

Fear: When you felt startled or frightened by someone or something?

Shock: How about the time you realised you’d made a huge mistake…? Did you feel a warm, tingly sensation overtake your body?

It’s highly likely in these moments, your brain’s amygdala sensed urgency and danger. So it decided to hijack your body and pump it with stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol.

In this heightened state, it’s highly unlikely you were in a position to think about solving the world’s greatest problems.

So what’s actually happening to you physiologically?

And what should you be looking for in others to observe signs of distress and change your approach in a conflict situation?

Read on.

The link between stress response and decision making

When flooded with a rush of stress hormones, the prefrontal cortex becomes blocked. The part of our higher brain that actively processes information, accesses creative thinking, helps us deal with complex decisions and manage risk.

This blockage causes a distinct trade-off between the speed and accuracy of our decision-making.

The hidden effects of stress hormones; sounding the alarm.

As our brain perceives a threat, it prepares our body ready for action and adrenaline is released. Our liver releases glucose to provide energy for our muscles; this gives us the burst of energy to fight or flee a threat. 

As cortisol pumps up our blood sugar levels and depresses our immune system, our digestion slows, shutting down our stomachs to evoke a butterfly sensation. Our lungs overload on oxygen, causing fast and shallow breaths, dry mouth and difficulty swallowing. 

Our heartbeat quickens and intensifies as adrenaline enters our hearts. We feel a warm sensation rise from our chest up our neck and across our face as blood rises to the surface.

Palms become sweaty, perhaps our foreheads and underarms. Our voice trembles, our neck and shoulders tense. We may feel dizzy and lightheaded and even experience tightness across the chest.

The not so hidden

There are also not so hidden physiological signals we can notice in others to help us choose the appropriate response mid-conflict.

• We may observe a flush of pink rise from someone’s chest and across their face. 

• We may hear a shakiness in someone’s voice. 

• We may notice perspiration appear on someone’s face and body. 

• We may observe someone touch their face, neck or roll their head and shoulders in discomfort. 

• We may see a dilation of pupils, or saliva pooling in the corner of someone’s mouth.

Have you noticed any of these physiological signals in someone before? 

And how did you respond?  

Addressing the elephant in the room

Earlier we referred to the prefrontal cortex, and the integral role it plays in our decision-making. Following the initial after-shock of a stress event is when the body begins to normalise its hormones to recover and repair itself. 

Applying this to our actions when interacting with others during these heightened stages - what type of emotions and behaviours are most likely to show up? The elephants in the room.

Defensive behaviours fuelled by self-preservation; irritability and frustration; and poor concentration (a very familiar one for me). 

Our bodies will continue to stay in this state until we’re able to manage the stress and lower the risk of exhaustion. If our stress (conscious or not) goes unmanaged, we increase the risk of chronic stress-related health conditions.

These include fatigue, burnout, depression and prolonged anxiety, weakening our immune systems and increasing risk of other health conditions.

Developing coping mechanisms through mindfulness and meditative practice offers a positive step forward. This practice provides a more creative and relaxed space to explore the events throughout our life that have shaped our feelings, emotions and conditioned our unproductive behavioural patterns.

When we truly understand why we react and behave in certain ways, we have the ability to recognise, adapt, and better separate our emotions and feelings from conflict situations. This is the learned skill of detachment, where objectivity helps us take a fresh perspective and more easily empathise with others.

A compelling reason to take ownership and change the narrative

The desire for better critical decision-making should compel us to take a broader lens to conflict management by considering the cause and effect relationship.

How might this impact someone else? Am I operating within healthy and clearly defined boundaries? 

Clarity in decision-making helps us to surrender our fears, anxiety and doubts by taking ownership of our values, beliefs and subsequent actions. Self-responsibility is an important skill to develop and essential in being able to shift from a reactive mindset to a responsive one.

Our north star in any heightened conflict interaction is to consciously decelerate our own stress response, and work on repairing our communication with the other party.

The moment we realise we are in a stress response (or the other is), that’s our time-critical window of opportunity to address it, slow it down and change the direction of the narrative.

Like any successful negotiation, a win-win by mutual agreement is the most favourable outcome. A plot twist for the better.

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Next steps: If you're experiencing unmanageable conflict in relationships at home or at work, get in touch with me at sarah@kinspace.co for a complimentary 30 minute discovery session.

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